I Forgive Me?

I've been staring at this blank page for a few weeks now.  I'm not there yet.  Forgiving myself has proved to be more difficult than I thought. That would mean I need to stop beating myself up for the things I've done.  I need to stop letting the devil shame me.  What does that even look like?  It's truly going to be a God thing, a place where my relationship with Him means more than anything else.  Dying to myself and trusting Him completely.  I'm not there yet.  How do you let go of everything?  To not be in control?  I'm a woman for goodness sake, is that even possible??  I know it's possible, I've seen it in other people (even women, Godly women).  The idea of it does not sit well with me, I have control issues.  I don't need to control other people - just my own stuff.  We all know it's impossible to do that, there are so many things that are out of our control.  Yet, He wants us to trust Him with all of it, even the stuff we've "got".  "I've got this."  How often do we think or say that?

So, I'm still here.  Not necessarily stuck, just not ready to forgive myself. Don't get me wrong, I want the freedom that comes with that forgiveness - I just don't want to let go and let "Jesus take the wheel" yet. There is more work to do.  I thought I'd share some verses that are standing out to me lately, and maybe you have some wisdom to share on this subject or a favorite verse or a verse you think I need to read.  Please feel free to share.

                                                  Don't be afraid, for I am with you.

                                                       Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.

                                                  I will strengthen you and help you.

                                                       I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

                                                                                    Isaiah 41:10

6 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.  7 Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing.  Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.  Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me - everything you heard from me and saw me doing.  Then the God of peace will be with you.

                                                                                     Philippians 4:6-9

For the Lord your God is living among you.  He is a mighty savior.  He will delight in you with gladness.  With his love, he will calm all your fears.  He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.                                                                                              Zephaniah 3:17